It is with deep regret that I have decided to halt my progress in NaNoWriMo. Sadly reality is significantly stronger than fantasy. Life and death gets in the way. When my world and characters take over my mind and thoughts than the people who matter then there is a problem. I have enjoyed this process and NaNoWriMo gave me the impetus that I needed. One of my characters now has turned from a figment of my imagination to someone who breathes. Other characters came into his life who I never thought of. I have dealt with and killed a few demons that haunted me. I should admit that I found it satisfying although I wish that I made them suffer more before killing them. I have created a world.Religions and customs have started to form. I came across a quote which said that everyone has one good book in them but that’s where it should stay. I hope that I will have more than one book in me and the time will come when I can set it free. I like the process of writing and would love to be called an author. There is truth to writing even if it is fantasy. I would dare say that fantasy is more honest. Characters hate people. They love others. You will know if people like your book or hate it. Some of my favourite books are by Raymond Feist. One of the worst series and books is also by him. In the world of investments you never know who your friends are and who are your well wishers. You maintain relationships because you never know when you will need to wipe the dust off that business card to get some information that will make a big difference. You never know what people think of your ideas.
Ithaca by Constantine Cavafy is one of my favourite poems. I know my destination. NaNoWriMo was the wind that caused my ship to anchor off. I do not know how I will get there or when nor who I will meet on the way. I will finish my novel which has a working title of “The priests of Konkor.” At the risk of sounding too cliche; “Watch this space.”
I have Epilepsy. It scares me. All I know is how I feel after I have a major seizure and the relief I feel when I have a jerk. I want to raise awareness about epilepsy and other mental issues in the book I am writing but how can I do it justice when all I remember is the disorientation after I had a seizure. The incoherent childlike ramblings, the stiffness of my muscles, the ache in my head and the sound of fear in the voice of my wife. I feel guilty when I see the tears on the face of my wife. The death of my friend David has put the mortality of my life into the forefront of my mind. What will happen if I have a seizure and fall on the tracks of the tube? What will happen if I get hit by a vehicle while crossing the road? How will my wife cope? Sometimes I wish I could see what happens to me during a seizure. For now, I will have to settle for knowing the feeling of feeling electric tingling in my brain and the momentary loss of awareness.
The priests of Konkor is the working title of the book I am writing for NaNoWriMo. I am glad that I started the project. It is an exciting process though I must confess that writing the quota of words per day is daunting. I do not know if I will finish in time. I like the way the story is progressing. I am starting to bond with my characters. I would like my readers to do that too. I will not forget how one of the scenes in a book by Raymond Fiest made me feel sad because of what happened to the characters. Fantasy is more than swashbuckling knights, fire breathing dragons and pointy hatted wizards. It is about transporting people into a different world and making them feel the depth of emotions that the characters go through. I have also found myself starting to learn more. I am sure I will be a theoretical expert in anatomy,botany, forging and many more topics by the time I finish writing 50,000 words.
People that I have known have died. However the news of the death of David has shaken me to the core. I broke down in tears yesterday. This is something I have never done before. There seems to be a void left in my very soul. I have heard sermons where people have preached about having a hole which only God can fill. However how can you fill space left by a good man? I have known David for a couple of years. However he is one of the few people I count as my friend. He was a gem of a person. His fiancée is also a wonderful person. We were looking forward to them getting married in January because both of them deserved happiness and each other after the hardships they went through. If and when we had children then they would have been perfect God parents. David had this wonderful ability to connect with kids at their level. A few minutes later he would be talking to adults about Dostoevsky and classical music. He was passionate. I sincerely wish that I had known him longer. We will treasure the time and meals shared. They will be ingrained in my memory for as long as my mind lasts.
I recently decided to take part in NaNoWriMo. He was one of the reasons I decided to take part. He provided the spark of life to characters until then existed only in my head. A nice conversation that I had with him as we took a bus from church was all that was needed. I do not know if I will be successful in NaNoWriMo or not. However I do hope I can complete my novel. I think David would like that. I pray that he has found peace and I hope his family will have the strength to go through this loss. Goodbye David. Goodbye my friend.