2017 was a year filled with death and disappointments. I possibly kept two of the resolutions that I had set forth. I am possibly going to approach this year slightly differently. Our vicar mentioned that the Ten Commandments and sermon on the mount can essentially be broken down into the following
1) Relationship with God.
2) Relationship with family.
3) Relationship with society.
I will do my best to be true to these. I do not know how successful I will be. I do hope that if I work on these areas then I will grow as a person. I strongly believe that the only sign of life is change. Last year felt very stagnant. Stagnation is the first sign of death. I do not want to die as yet as I know that I have not fulfilled the purpose why God placed me on the earth. I do have to clean up the dirt of 2017 before it festers into malaria ridden mosquitoes. I do believe I can achieve this through the support of my family and my church. 2017 will probably be a watershed year that will have a lasting impact on my remaining life. I do hope that it will be a nadir where I can rise like a phoenix. The sermon and theme song from Chariots of Fire are running through my head. Isaiah chapter 40 seems to be the passage for me this year just as Acts chapter 2 and Psalms 69 were mine for the last year.
It is with deep regret that I have decided to halt my progress in NaNoWriMo. Sadly reality is significantly stronger than fantasy. Life and death gets in the way. When my world and characters take over my mind and thoughts than the people who matter then there is a problem. I have enjoyed this process and NaNoWriMo gave me the impetus that I needed. One of my characters now has turned from a figment of my imagination to someone who breathes. Other characters came into his life who I never thought of. I have dealt with and killed a few demons that haunted me. I should admit that I found it satisfying although I wish that I made them suffer more before killing them. I have created a world.Religions and customs have started to form. I came across a quote which said that everyone has one good book in them but that’s where it should stay. I hope that I will have more than one book in me and the time will come when I can set it free. I like the process of writing and would love to be called an author. There is truth to writing even if it is fantasy. I would dare say that fantasy is more honest. Characters hate people. They love others. You will know if people like your book or hate it. Some of my favourite books are by Raymond Feist. One of the worst series and books is also by him. In the world of investments you never know who your friends are and who are your well wishers. You maintain relationships because you never know when you will need to wipe the dust off that business card to get some information that will make a big difference. You never know what people think of your ideas.
Ithaca by Constantine Cavafy is one of my favourite poems. I know my destination. NaNoWriMo was the wind that caused my ship to anchor off. I do not know how I will get there or when nor who I will meet on the way. I will finish my novel which has a working title of “The priests of Konkor.” At the risk of sounding too cliche; “Watch this space.”
I have Epilepsy. It scares me. All I know is how I feel after I have a major seizure and the relief I feel when I have a jerk. I want to raise awareness about epilepsy and other mental issues in the book I am writing but how can I do it justice when all I remember is the disorientation after I had a seizure. The incoherent childlike ramblings, the stiffness of my muscles, the ache in my head and the sound of fear in the voice of my wife. I feel guilty when I see the tears on the face of my wife. The death of my friend David has put the mortality of my life into the forefront of my mind. What will happen if I have a seizure and fall on the tracks of the tube? What will happen if I get hit by a vehicle while crossing the road? How will my wife cope? Sometimes I wish I could see what happens to me during a seizure. For now, I will have to settle for knowing the feeling of feeling electric tingling in my brain and the momentary loss of awareness.
The priests of Konkor is the working title of the book I am writing for NaNoWriMo. I am glad that I started the project. It is an exciting process though I must confess that writing the quota of words per day is daunting. I do not know if I will finish in time. I like the way the story is progressing. I am starting to bond with my characters. I would like my readers to do that too. I will not forget how one of the scenes in a book by Raymond Fiest made me feel sad because of what happened to the characters. Fantasy is more than swashbuckling knights, fire breathing dragons and pointy hatted wizards. It is about transporting people into a different world and making them feel the depth of emotions that the characters go through. I have also found myself starting to learn more. I am sure I will be a theoretical expert in anatomy,botany, forging and many more topics by the time I finish writing 50,000 words.
Loved this poem. I hope words especially of hope will be stronger than any weapon
The power of words
can best a thousand swords
a simple idea
can bring down a great armada
a pure intention
can lead to a better nation
a spark of courage
can conquer the stage
the greatest mind,
a hope of mankind
with these things in mind
make a choice, leave the negativity behind
Man has the potential to create a better world
for a story for the next generations will soon unfold.
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Filed under Poetry, Writing
I want to start a project of writing Psalms. This is my first attempt. I would love to get some thoughts and comments on this
I bury my head in my hands to quell tears from my eyes.
They flow like a river starting at its very source.
The priests they dress in their mighty finery.
The sadducees mock me aplenty.
When will you hear my cry?
When will my enemies be slain?
Protect me my merciful God.
Save me from those who seek me harm.
May they perish into darkness,
May their souls wander between worlds.
May their children know no peace,
May their childrens children walk baren in the desert.
Save me my Lord.
Save your humble servant.
I prostrate myself before thee.
For only you are holy.
People that I have known have died. However the news of the death of David has shaken me to the core. I broke down in tears yesterday. This is something I have never done before. There seems to be a void left in my very soul. I have heard sermons where people have preached about having a hole which only God can fill. However how can you fill space left by a good man? I have known David for a couple of years. However he is one of the few people I count as my friend. He was a gem of a person. His fiancée is also a wonderful person. We were looking forward to them getting married in January because both of them deserved happiness and each other after the hardships they went through. If and when we had children then they would have been perfect God parents. David had this wonderful ability to connect with kids at their level. A few minutes later he would be talking to adults about Dostoevsky and classical music. He was passionate. I sincerely wish that I had known him longer. We will treasure the time and meals shared. They will be ingrained in my memory for as long as my mind lasts.
I recently decided to take part in NaNoWriMo. He was one of the reasons I decided to take part. He provided the spark of life to characters until then existed only in my head. A nice conversation that I had with him as we took a bus from church was all that was needed. I do not know if I will be successful in NaNoWriMo or not. However I do hope I can complete my novel. I think David would like that. I pray that he has found peace and I hope his family will have the strength to go through this loss. Goodbye David. Goodbye my friend.
I love experimenting with food. I very rarely follow recipes to the T. I have had a few accidents and a few interesting experiences. I have had made some really good dishes along the way. Today I was bested my the humble egg. My wife loves the Indian/Masala omelette. It basically is onions and green chilly (Birds eye) whisked with egg and then cooked. I don’t mind it but I prefer the western omelette. I tried to blend both the styles today. It did not work as well as it appeared in my head. It tasted good. It had the texture of the omelette but it did not hold its shape.
There is something special about simple food. Plain rice or bread with egg. Plain rice with rasam (which is a kind of light soup). Rice with dhal (lentils). Tasty simple wholesome food.
Sometime back I put together a collection of my poems in an informal manner and called it “The road not taken” It seemed to epitomise the feeling that I had if I had taken a route more geared towards the arts than finance. My writing has always been fuelled by emotion and feeling. In hindsight I feel now that my work ate my soul up one piece at a time. Thankfully I have not lost it completely. I feel it coming back with each passing day. I am looking forward to this next chapter. Previously my work was inspired by what I can only term as my naivety of love. I was in love with the abstract concept of love and had to discover its many facets. Today I know what love is. This time my emotions have burst out not out of love but out of something primal. I have also discovered the National Novel Writing Month. I think I will take part in it. It is time that I make my characters live on pages than run around in my head.
I have been played around with the character of Raidon for quite sometime. He was a character of my imagination. I have recently come to realise that the backstory of Raiden from Mortal Kombat is very similar to my character. I do not intend that he be resigned to some part of fan fiction. I was also not aware of Mortal Kombat when I created him. I was in a role playing guild in a game called Ultima Online. It was there that I created Raidon Raikatuji. The story I intend to write will be a medieval fantasy novel. I intend to create religions and gods. I suspect that it will not have any weird life forms. I want to keep it human because I do not want to fall into the usual fantasy genre of elves, dwarves and orcs along with humans and halflings. As much as possible I do not want to fall into the trap of falling into the D&D mould of having one warrior, one thief, one magician, one healer and one ranger. Though I think that this will be a difficult one to break. 1,667 words per day. It will not be easy but it should be interesting.
We went to a farmer’s market today. It was bright and sunny but there was a slight nip in the air. Out of nowhere a huge gust of wind blew in and nearly swept me away. For a moment I was glad that I put on that extra weight. There was genuine panic among the farmers there. For them their livelihood was literally nearly blown away by the wind. My wife grew some vegetables recently and I saw the love and care she put into it and those veggies were some of the best I have ever had. I can only imagine what trouble they would have gone through. Our farmers need our support. This should be done directly as much as possible. There are things there that are really good and is a great value for money. There are others that are more expensive but you can taste the difference. Among other things we bought some pumpkins. I have never liked pumpkins but she says that she can prepare it in such a way that I will like it. I am keeping at open mind. I hope the quality of the produce combined with the skill of wife’s culinary abilities will make me a convert.